spooning
We were kidding around that day. I knew her from other friends. She was complaining. She said she hated breakups because it meant being celibate for some time. I gave her a look and said ” I’m just around, call me if you’re feeling the urge…” She laughed, but I knew that somehow she wanted it. She smiled.
It was raining that day and we were wet. We had dinner with another friend and then headed to her place to hangout. I didn’t have anything to do for the next day. She was miserable and I was miserable too. Just recently, her European ex-bf had left for New York and months before I got dumped by my ex for some surfer dude of some sorts.
Our friend left after a few hours of clockwatching and her sister went into her room and left us alone.
We were quite pathetic. Smoking, drinking cola, watching the rain turn the night colder than usual. I was fooling around with her mac and we were talking about ex’s. In the back of my mind, I felt like it was getting into a best buddy scenario: the friendship zone.
I really don’t mind talking about the other guys with the girl I’m going out with. I feel like they use it as a test. I don’t mind but I try not to talk about my ex’s.
We talked about her being a third party to another guy, about my ex, about her ex, how we find emotional promises such a burden to relationships. The bitter talk, but real talk. It was nice to find someone who had the same perspective on relationships as I did.
She looked at my ex’s site and her picture. That closed the deal. My ex is hot: way taller than me, model-like figure with c-cups and exotic eyes. Either she wanted to know what I had that kept my ex in my arms for 4 years or she just wanted to find out if she was as hot like her or even better sexually. I vote for the latter. Kitty-cats like to compete.
It didn’t start until wee hours in the morning, I was nodding off. We were on the bed and mid-sentence I blanked out. She said let’s go to sleep and I obliged. I didn’t know what to say even if i felt the air sexually charged as it is. I was sleepy and so was she. We slept.
About 6 am. I woke up. I wasn’t used to sleeping beside anyone anymore. I was afraid of being that intimate. I still am. She woke up. She faced her back to me. She was wearing dress with a low back. She snuggled up to me and gave me a full view of her back. I drew closer. We spooned for a few moments. And then I kissed her back. It was like a flood broke free. I was kissing her back, then her neck and she was murmuring her approval.
Our lips locked and it was fire, comfort and for a strange moment to feel it - I felt respect. It was mutual respect. Maybe it was love, but I don’t know. I felt like she cared that I felt sad and I felt sadness for her too. It was comfort. Pity love, maybe, in every way cynical.
She said, “No sex.” I obliged. I was sucking her tits. I loved making her purr. She was on my lap as we tried to keep control. We stopped. A doorbell rang. Her driver.
One hour or so passed. I was waiting in her room. I took a shower. She was on the phone. I was just reading some things on the net.
She was like, “so what are your plans?” I said, “let’s just hangout, ” with a smile on my face.
Finally, the driver left.
We went back to spooning and then kissing. I ran my hand across her behind and reached in to her. I entered with my finger. I was sucking hard on her small tits as I was pulling her underwear to one side. Digging in, I could feel her breathe quicken. I kept going, she was moaning, and I kept going faster and faster. I tried to match her cries of delight until she cried out and caved into my arms.
I had my shirt off by that time. She was visibly sated. She pushed me to lie down. We kissed and kissed. I love it when kisses are great. She was sucking my lower lip and give me great tongue. She continued down my neck, to my chest, staying on my abs, and unzipping my pants.
I wanted to be in her. I said that I had protection. But she said no.
She wasn’t as good as others because I had to help myself get there. I presume, she was tired and sated. But she took all of me which never happened to me before in first encounters. Mid-fellatio, we were kidding each other, ” spit or swallow?.” She said she doesn’t swallow. We were just laughing about it. She went back to work. And unlike my ex who in the years we spent together only let me go in her mouth a handful of times, she let me release it all in her.
I felt more than a sexual release when I climaxed.
She did go to the bathroom to wash it off. But she did take me in. I felt, to some strange extent, accepted and even respected. We kissed and went back to spooning.
I left later that day. We kissed before I left. We never had another time like that for a year now. We just see each other in passing. She just says she misses me. I miss her too sometimes. That moment made me, in fact, know that I was going to find love again. That love exists, even if we didn’t have commitment. We respected each other. I think, even if she is back with her European guy we will have another time together. But even if not, I know I loved her or love her but don’t need to be with her. Our lives run parallel to each other but not quite together.
It sounds like all this assumptions are in my head, so idealistic and dreamy, but I don’t mind. I knew that because of what happened with her I could love again, even if it wasn’t with her. That is, somehow, good enough even for just for now.
On a side note, I think it’s because we didn’t go all the way and it’s because we have great chemistry that I still want to see her.
And it might be as simple a reason as this: I loved spooning with her.
I still think about it when I want to masterbate.
